you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
