Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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