girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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