even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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