so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
