fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
