Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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