did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
