Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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