I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
