u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
