Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i came on her dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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