i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
