If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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