I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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