no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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