'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This is the high leading the old right now
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
