i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
