never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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