I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
