is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
