Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
