she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize