so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
