addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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