I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Everclear isn't food dammit
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
