You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
