Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
