everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
