so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Randomize
