so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Can you bring me the toilet please
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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