Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
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