Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
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No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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