omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
