After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
