I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
