I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
