Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
