Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
