Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
