fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
3 2 1 whiskey
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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