Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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