I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
