mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize