So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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