Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
