end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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