I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
