I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
that may or may not have been my penis.
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