Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
