Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize