True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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