Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
