I'm so fucking centered right now
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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