You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
