So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I currently don't understand fingers.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
