Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
