he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
