bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
