oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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