During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
