You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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