if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
